


Dissonance

by WonderAvian



Category: Thunderbirds
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-03
Updated: 2020-03-03
Packaged: 2021-02-22 21:40:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23000821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WonderAvian/pseuds/WonderAvian
Summary: Alan doesn't like the face in the mirror.Originally posted on tumblr November 12th 2016.
Kudos: 5





	Dissonance

Alan sits by the stairs, arms wrapped around his knees, head bowed. His teeth feel weird and metallic in his mouth, and his head is empty except for a constant buzzing sound.

He tries to think, he tries to _feel._ But he really can’t.

The door across the room creaks open, and Alan jolts, lifting his head up, eyes blinking in alarm. Virgil and Gordon enter the room, but they don’t see him.

Alan lifts his arm.

“Hey guys!”

The movement of his jaw feels robotic. His voice sounds tinny, almost like a high-pitched whine. To his ears, it’s the worst sound in the world.

Gordon and Virgil turn their heads and wave back.

“Hey, Alan.”

Then they duck out again with little more than a quick smile and a glance. They seem happy enough. What Alan would give to be like them.

Alan ducks his head. They never really saw him. They never really heard him, either. His eyes would water, but crying is impossible for him. His chest should ache, but there is no heart inside him that works that way. He jumps up and bolts to his room.

As he runs through the hallway, his legs feel like pistons pumping. His breath does not shallow.

He gets to his room and awkwardly closes the door, stumbling across the floor to his desk. He falls clumsily into his chair, and rakes his hands through his hair.

Hair that isn’t real. Hair that is made entirely out of synthetics.

He blinks furiously, with eyelids that are sheets of light plastimetal lenses.

Alan grabs at one of his drawers, clawing it open and taking out a mirror. He stares at his reflection, with a mind that does not belong to him. The strikingly blue eyes of the reflection that stare back at him are daring him to say something.

Alan puts down the mirror just for a second, leaning it against his computer. Then he takes hold of his head in his hands, and peels his face off. He looks at his reflection.

What lies underneath Alan’s synthetic mask is the stuff of nightmares. An endoskeleton that shines with a metallic glow, curved teeth that have enough strength to rip out a grown man’s throat. Spherical eyes which, without their blue covering, glow a menacing red. Yet no emotion ever manifests in those eyes.

The light flickers. Alan buries his head in his hands.

Robots are built to help people. Robots are supposed to be efficient beings. Robots are supposed to have purpose. But most of all, a robot should have a place where it feels it can truly belong.

But robots don’t have feelings. Or at least, they’re not supposed to. Perhaps a robot may be programmed to replicate human emotions.

Alan has feelings. Or at least he wants to. A lot of the time he just feels empty.

He would cry, but robots can’t cry. He doesn’t even has real thoughts, just images and weak parodies of original ideas.

His brothers might see him, but all they do is look through him. Even MAX and EOS get more understanding from the others than he does.

He has never felt like he has belonged.

Except a robot is supposed to belong, and he is not exactly a robot.

Right?


End file.
